Frustrated

I am feeling a LOT frustrated, angry, and annoyed. And I need to get it out so I'm talking to my people again.

Most of you know that my wonderful husband is serving our country over in Bagdad, Iraq, for a country that he loves very much. In return for his HUGE sacrifice guess what...they cut the troops pay in HALF today! For the past week I have been praying and praying for this not to happen, and today it did. I've been praying for all the families. I thought it would be no pay at all, so I guess it's not as bad as it could be. It is shameful that our fellow leaders can't get our country's money in order, yet they get full pay not matter what. Yeah...and Obama is raising 1 BILLION dollars for his campaign! Seriously....? What have you done NOBAMA!

It hurts me as an American Army Wife, with husband at war to see the government whom we're supposed to trust turn their backs a little just so they can swallow in media, and whom are so consumed with power instead of leadership!

I feel betrayed in a way.

Here I sit, day after day, night after night, in a deep dark pain. A pain I wish would go away.

I miss him.

I MISS him.

We made a decision for him to go. This is his path. This was supposed to be a brilliant part of his life.

Now it has turned into an embarrassing episode of how screwed up our government is.

I HATE this.

I hate that he has to be away from us. And it makes it SO much more worse when you are starting to really dought the leadership and officials.

I miss Justin. I'm bitter. I have been before this whole joke errupted.

Couples snuggling, giving quick whistful pecks on the cheek, or offering words of encouragement as their child throws a fit in public, make me feel sorry for myself.

I miss my buddy.

I haven't been two shakes away from him since I was 16 years old.

I miss having dates at home. You know, when the kids are all snuggled up in bed, and you decided to whip out a game, bake cookies, soak in a bubble bath, or just talk...amongst other "private" things.

I miss foot rubs. I miss him playing with my hair. I miss dancing like a crazy person to the Mexican radio station. I miss holding his hand. I miss the crazy look in his eye when he is stressed, and watching it go away as I tell him what a fantastic person he is, and how proud I am of him. I miss how happy he is when he's working on a project. I miss watching him get ready, and how much he messes with his hair, and when he finally gives up because I'm giggling in the corner. Because to me, it looks good ALL THE TIME.

I miss watching him with our boys. I miss the way Aydan looks at him. Like daddy is a superhero. I miss tickle time. And monster time.

I miss making memories with him.

I even miss all the things that DRIVE ME CRAZY about him.

Like seeing his wet flat footed foot prints in the bathroom rug, and then steping on the wetness while headed to the toilet.

His CRAZY music.

How he sneaks peeks and touches...

He gets to come home in 14 days! Whahoo! I know this, and I know how good it's going to feel, but I'm annoyed.

He has to go back. He can't stay, and that makes me hostile.

I knew that I would have a breaking point during this deployment, and I think I've finally reached it. I'm done.

It's going to take a lot of will power to push through, without being a grouch all day, everyday.

SUN SHINE please come soon, and help me.

As Justin is here, I want to count the days we spend together, and not the days till he has to go back. Don't be mad if there is a giant DO NOT DISTURB sign on our front door, or that we don't answer our phones. We get first dibs. I would prefer ALL dibs, but I'm trying not to be selfish. ;)

So pray for the military families today.

For all you military families out there, know that a girl from little old Idaho, knelt on her knees and prayed her hardest for you, because I'm a believer, and I believe that the trials God gives us, are only intended to make us stronger. I pray that you take your kids in your arms, kiss them on their sweet little heads, and feel God's grace, and remember you're not alone.


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